Dry Bones: Blueberry Pie Filling

I'm serving a church right now, that's about to suck me dry.  I mean really, bone chillingly, joint achingly, dry.

There's a saying, that travels around pretty frequently with us church-y types, that laughingly says: "The church would be perfect, if it weren't for the people."

Up until these past few months... such a statement always made me sort-a sad, in that "what a shame that some poor soul came up with that sentence, no doubt, as a result of their circumstances" sort of way.  But now I get it.

The people...
...are tiresome.
...and angry.
...and hateful.
...and passive aggressive.
...and manipulative.
...and sick.
...and needy.
...and whiny.
...and they don't wear white until after Memorial Day.  (Which means, by the way, that I was not to be trusted for the first two months...me...with my white pants and all, on *gasp* May 3rd.)

And I drag my dry bones home...waiting for the next ball to drop...knowing that THIS is why clergy have a disproportionately high percentage of heart attacks. 

Then I sink into my lounge chair, eating several servings of ice cream...okay, so maybe THIS is why clergy have a disproportionately high percentage of heart attacks...to satiate my aching soul and I wonder why I can go months without serving the church -- longing, gut wrenching months -- but when I get the chance, when I get the call...

...it hurts.

And then I remind myself that...

the people...
...are human.

And these humans, especially in this particular church... have the decked stacked against them.

Yet despite that stacked deck and their distaste for white capris even when the thermometer reads 91*...God's Spirit emerges...albeit, sometimes, begrudgingly or hesitantly or slowly... and you find...

Though some are tiresome... there are those who will lift them up.
Though some are angry... there are those with a good word.
Though some are hateful... there are those who offer forgiveness.
Though some are passive aggressive... there are those who will call them on it.
Though some are manipulative... there are those who are not.
Though some are sick... there are those who will visit them.
Though some are needy... there are those who will provide.
Though some are whiny... there are those who will sing.

And I suppose, if I were to be honest, it would be just as appropriate to say, "the church would be perfect, if it weren't for the clergy."

...who is so very human.  Bones and all.

I trust this moment of humanness will pass for this church... and it will not be so hard, so lonesome, so aching.  But I also trust that the humanness will remain for this church... and a world will be reminded that even dry bones can dance.

And when that day comes, I will need something besides all that ice cream I'm eating... so, I made Blueberry Pie Filling.

What you'll need:

10 Cups blueberries, washed
½ Cup water
1 ½ Cups sugar
6 Tablespoons cornstarch
5 Tablespoons bottled lemon juice
2 Quart sized canning jars

Wash the blueberries and set aside. Sterilize 2, one quart jars along with the lids in boiling water or in a dishwasher run without soap.

In a large stockpot bring the water, sugar, corn starch and lemon juice to a boil.  Pour in the blueberries and bring the mixture back to a boil, stirring continuously for about 5 minutes while the berries release their juices and the mixture thickens, becoming blue and glossy.

Set a funnel over a quart jar and ladle in the blueberry mixture, leaving a 1″ headspace. Repeat with second quart jar. Place the sterilized lids on the jar and seal them with the rims, only tightening the ring as much as you can with two fingers.

Place the jars in a pot of boiling water standing upright. Make sure the water covers the tops of the jars. Boil for 30 minutes, starting the timer when the water has returned to a boil.

Remove jars and place in a cool, dry place on a kitchen towel. Allow to cool overnight. Store jars for the long term in a cool, dry place until using.

******

I had fully planned to store and save this pie filling...for that rainy day or for when bones were once again alive...but unfortunately, the lids didn't seal and the jars overflowed.  So for now, they sit in my fridge...waiting.  Waiting for white pants and soothed souls...

A Head Scratcher: Pumpkin Kaya

I was messin' around with my blog... considering a new direction... wondering if "this ship has sailed" when I came across a post I wrote back in March (?) but never published.  So while I wonder what's next in my life (on many levels), here's a little something to pass the time:

These guys, run amuck in my front yard.  And if you're into that sort of thing... they're quite beautiful.

Then, this weekend, this little oddity showed up.

Is it...

A Turis? Or an Irup?

Seriously?  I've never seen anything like it. 

And that, friends, is how I feel about this Pumpkin Kaya.  Is it hummus?  Is it pudding?  Maybe we call it pummus? Or humming.

But it's sort of not good enough to be either.  So then, I'm just left a little confused.  And wanting pudding.

What you'll need:

4 1/4 Cups pumpkin puree (I used canned here... fewer fibers so the texture was a bit smoother)
2/3 Cup coconut cream

3/8 Cup brown sugar

8 Young pandan leaves

Combine the pumpkin, coconut cream, brown sugar, and pandan leaves in a pot over medium-low heat. Cook, stirring frequently, until mixture is thick and smooth, about 1 hour; remove leaves and discard. Cool kaya before serving; refrigerate unused portion.

Not to be too culturally insensitive... "kaya," besides being the name of one of Bob Marley's records, is a coconut jam made with eggs, popular in Singapor and Malaysia, and is generally served on white toast.  This one, made with pumpkin, omits the egg and finds it's creamy texture via orange gourd.  And before you go pulling out your canning supplies... I should warn you... 

Well.  I should just warn you.  It messes with your mind. 

Sunday Morning: Carrot Cake Jam

We don't have children. But we do have two dogs that act like children.

Scratch that.  We have two dogs that are treated like children.

Sunday morning was "Interceptor Day!"  It sounds fancy, doesn't it?  Like there should be fireworks and congressional lapel pins, but really, it's just the day that my dogs get their heartworm medicine.  And I suppose if you'd like to fashion a congressional lapel pin based on heartworms, well, be my guest.  But I prefer to celebrate, by typing the monthly task into my online computer calendar that way...with caps and an exclamation point.  Interceptor Day!  Makes me feel excited about something. (sad face)

We are a bonified pet pharmacy in our house. Boy Dog has quite a few issues... a few of which we medicate for, three times a day, with the helpful use of hotdogs.  You stick the pill in a chunk of cheap hotdog and Boy Dog will swallow it whole.  And even though there's not a single thing wrong with Girl Dog, she of course, must have a hot dog as well.  This is reminiscent of grandparents, who give the older child a gift, "so they don't feel left out," when the younger child has a birthday. (Ugh. I won't get on my soapbox.)

So, back to Sunday morning.  Interceptor Day!

The morning started out as it normally does, with me, groggily standing at the top of the stairs... it's a sight to be seen.  All this 'aint a pretty picture in the morning... but the dogs don't seem to mind, and normally, they eagerly greet me on the stairs for their morning gooby-boooby-boo session.  Uh, yea... that's puppy talk.  Anyway.

This morning, they were mysteriously absent.

Covering the living room and moving towards the coffee pot in record speed, due to the absence of my canine speed bumps, something caught my eye.

It was the wrapper, from a stick of butter, which had been left on the table from dinner the night before.  Just an empty wrapper... which means one of the dogs, had just eaten a stick of butter.

Coffee in hand and still missing the normal company of my dogs... I headed to the basement... to find Boy Dog eating a roll of paper towels.  I suppose you need something to wipe the butter grease off your mouth, right? 

Now, I have to say... up until this point... I've kept my cool. I find the emergency vet's phone number... I calmly explain that one of my dogs has eaten a roll of paper towels for breakfast... and one or the other, has topped it off with a stick of butter.  "Need I be concerned?" I ask.  Friendly Vet-Tech says, "oh no, don't worry about it... you just might have a few rough days ahead of you." Joy.

I hang up the phone.  I give the dogs a dirty look.  I give God thanks that a roll of paper towels and a stick of butter did not cost me a few hundred dollars with aforementioned Friendly Vet-Tech... and I remember that it is Interceptor Day! Yeah!

Grabbing hot dogs and pills, I pop the tiny Interceptor pills into their respective hotdogs, and present our eager, albeit stopped up dogs with their medicated treats.  Boy Dog, per his usual behavior, swallows his whole.  Girl Dog, sensing that there is something amis... something has been SNUCK into her normally "pure" hotdog... must investigate.  Taking it carefully in her mouth, she moves to the living room... well, this is NOT my first time on the ferriswheel, and being the gifted and talented dog-mother that I am, I anticipate this move... so I squarely position myself between Girl Dog, Hot Dog... and Boy Dog.  Sternly, I look the drooling mess of a Boy Dog in the eye and say, "Don't even think about it."

He looks at me... sizes up the opening between my legs... looks back at me... and begins to lunge forward... "NO!"  I have stopped him in his tracks.

Yeah.  That's right.  Who's top dog?

He looks at me again... sizes ME up... thinks it through... refers to his Dog Manual... calls his buddy in Arizona who concurs... and decides that the benefits of having another hotdog, FAR outweigh the repercussions.

Dropping my hand to the floor to retrieve the hotdog... I miss it by seconds... and before I can say "Bad Dog" it had slipped down the proverbial hatch.  Now Boy Dog has had two heartworm pills.

And I sort of lost it. 

WYYYYYAAAAATT!!!!!!!

Mother's grabbed their playing children out of the driveways and ushered them inside.  Birds retreated to the safety of the skies.  Dogs ceased their barking.  And the neighborhood cats... laughed.

For maybe the third time in nearly 8 years... Wyatt had made me mad.  And he knew it.  No sooner had I turned around, Boy Dog was making his way out to the garage with his tail tucked and head down.

And I dialed the emergency vet's number... again.

The conversation went something like this:

"Hi!  I called a few minutes ago about the dog that ate the stick of butter and the roll of paper towels.  Yeah... well, I'm pretty sure I just overdosed that same dog.  Please don't call animal control."

By the end of the conversation, Friendly Vet-Tech assured me he would not die, but would merely experience an upset tummy and (my absolute favorite), possibly some "loose stool."

Hanging up the phone, I realized I still needed to get Abby her Interceptor pill. Stuffing it in a hotdog and offering it to her, I was failing miserably... so, I resorted to the ol', crank-her-mouth-open-and-stuff-it-down-her-throat trick.

Two times.  Three times.  Four times... each one, followed by the dramatics of dry heaving and gagging noises.  Trying one more time, I found her jaw... completely locked.  Like Fort Knox.  She was NOT going to take that pill.

Finally, dejected, despondent, and nearly on the verge of tears...and not one to be above theatrics... I crumpled to the floor, barely squeaking out, "Abby.  I just can't do it anymore.  You win.  You all win."  And I sat there, with my arms crossed.  Holding in my hand, a hot dog with the "back up" pill stuffed inside...

Within a few minutes, I watch as Girl Dog belly-crawled over to me... head down, eyes averted... and stuck her sweet nose in to the crook of my elbow.  All but crawling into my lap, she waited... waited for me to forgive her, waited for words of reassurance, waited for a single touch, that showed her that it was all better. 

And after a few minutes... convinced that I wasn't going to throw her out of the pack... she lifted her head, and turned to my other hand, where the hotdog was still clenched.

Nuzzling open my hand, she gently took the hot dog... and with great intentionality, chewed... and swallowed.

Some things just aren't worth the fight.

So on this cool, almost Fall-like day, don't fight it... make this jam.  It'll make me happy... and as you can see... I need a little happiness in my life!

 

What you'll need:
1 1/2 Cups finely grated (and peeled) carrots
1 1/2 Cups finely diced peeled and cored tart apples, such as granny smith
1 3/4 Cups canned crushed pineapple, including juice
3 Tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
3/4 Teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 Teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 Cup raisins
One (1.75-ounce) package powdered fruit pectin

6 1/2 Cups granulated sugar

1/2 Teaspoon butter

1/2 Cup finely chopped walnuts

If you are going to preserve this jam, you'll want to prepare everything as you normally would... boil the jars, warm the lids and rings, etc.

Combine carrots, apples, pineapple, lemon juice, cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves in large, heavy saucepan. Bring to a boil over high heat, stirring constantly. Reduce heat to simmer, cover, and cook 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Meanwhile, pulse raisins in food processor until finely chopped. That way, all you raisin haters won't be able to tell they're in there! Whooo-ha-ha-ha.  That was my evil laugh.  Set aside.

After 20 minutes, remove the pot from heat and stir in pectin until dissolved. Stir in raisins, breaking up clumps with back of spoon. Return pot to heat and bring to boil. Add sugar all at once. Die a little bit inside, when you see 6 and 1/2 cups of sugar go into something you will be serving your friends and family, and return to a boil, stirring constantly. Add butter and boil hard for one minute. Remove pot from heat, skim off any foam if you want (though I usually skip this step), and stir in walnuts.

Ladle hot jam into hot sterilized jars, leaving 1/4-inch headspace. Wipe rims of the jars, cover with lids, and screw bands on until just barely tight. Place jars on rack in pot and cover completely with water. Cover pot and bring to a boil over high heat. Boil for 10 minutes. Turn off heat, uncover pot, and allow jars to rest in water for five minutes. Remove jars from pot and allow them to sit undisturbed on the countertop for six hours or overnight.

I wish I had been the one to create this recipe... because it is GENIUS!  But alas, I found it at seriouseats.com days ago... you know, when there was snow on the ground and I was foolishly searching for recipes that would convince me that Spring was on its way...  It's sweet. Sticky.  I sort of wish it had more carrots in it (literally, never thought I would say that).  And has six and half cups of sugar in it.  But it's totally worth a try... and the sugar crash that follows.

Please enjoy and... by the way, Boy Dog and I have made up.

Summer Memory, Or Lack Thereof

I went to Target today to find a pair of sunglasses. They're cheep, and I'm not careful.

A side story: Many moons ago, I owned the most expensive pair of sunglasses ever. These suckers cost more than any article of clothing, piece of jewelry, or pair of shoes in my closet. Foolishly, I wore them. To the St. Louis Zoo (a delightful, free zoo... if anyone has a need for last minute vacation ideas). Taking in the sites and enjoying my day, I casually leaned over the railing to look at the water feature many, many feet below. And proceeded to watch helplessly, as my sunglasses became part of the exhibit.

Anyway...

Picking out a pair of sunglasses is no easy task. There's much to consider: size, fit, weight, and bling. Not one to stray far from the blacks and browns, I gathered six pairs that struck my fancy, and started the posing and eliminating.

First pair: crooked.

Second pair: too bling-y.

Third pair: oh, I really like you!

Fourth pair: a definite contender.

Fifth pair: too big.

Sixth pair: too tight.

Back on with the Third pair: Yeah, no question... I really like you.

Forth pair: You're good, but I think I have to hand the win, to pair number three.

One by one, the eliminated sunglasses were placed back into their faux-nose sales racks, and in my hand, I had the pair that made me the most happy, that framed my face perfectly, and put a little spring in my step, which hadn't been before. The most perfect pair of sunglasses in the whoooole world.

So, of course it's tag was missing. This is Murphy's Law of shopping.

Several minutes and some pretty frantic spinning of the faux-nose displays... I came up empty handed. It would seem, that today was not the day, for me to purchase my sunglasses. Sadly, I placed the perfect pair of sunglasses back into its faux-nose sales rack and walked away. (Stopping only briefly, to grab a Snickers bar.)

A few minutes later, back in my car, the sun is shining brightly. I'm squinty and for one moment, I lament my lost purchase. Rummaging around in my cavernous bag/suitcase/purse, my hand comes up empty in its search for an alternate pair of sunglasses.

And then it hits me.

The perfect pair of sunglasses... pair number three... without the tag... that sadly, I had to leave behind...

Yep. Those were the sunglasses I walked in with.

Let's just say, I'm glad summer's over. And all reminders of the day I lost my mind, will be safely tucked in a drawer, until next Spring.

So, with the last of the summer harvest coming out of the garden, I give you my final jelly recipe.

Jalapeno Jelly

(Technically, jelly doesn't have bits/chunks... and this has bits. But I've never heard anyone call it Jalapeno Jam... so.)

What you'll need:

12 Jalapenos, seeded and finely chopped in the food processor
1 and 1/2 Cups cranberry juice (full on juice... no diet cranberry or juice mix)
1 Cup white vinegar
5 Cups sugar
1 Package of Ball pectin (I'm being a little specific here... because over the course of the summer, I've found that Certo pectin has not produced the kinds of results that I've wanted. No doubt, this is "chef-error" and for as many Ball devotes that there are out there, I'm sure there are just as many Certo lovers. But for this recipe, I'd suggest using Ball.)

Bring the jalapenos, cranberry juice, and vinegar to a boil. Reduce to a simmer and let it cook, covered, for about 10 minutes. Set aside two cups of the jalapeno/cranberry liquid/bits and pitch the rest. Return the two cups of liquid/bits to the pot and add all five cups of sugar. Stirring constantly, bring to a rolling boil. (You know the kind where you can't "stir it away.") Quickly add your pectin and bring the mess back up to a rolling boil. Boil for one minute.

Ladle into prepared jars and return filled jars to the canner. Boil jars for 10 minutes (starting your timer, once the water is back up to a full boil).

It's no Snickers bar... but VERY yummy! An easy A-/B+. Sweet, with just a hint of hot. Unforgettable! Or so I say...

Expiration Dates Are Suggestions. Right?

What has inspired me to make a cheesecake today... I'll never know.

My tummy's still a bit rocky from last night's dinner, as I spent a pretty good portion of the evening, "taking some alone time with my book," if you know what I mean.

Apparently, stuffed sole fillets that have been in the freezer for 8 months don't translate well, to the plate. So I boldly ignored the italicized wording on the side of the package that stated, "if frozen, consume within three months of purchase date." I figured that's a "guesstimate." But as it turns out... I figured wrong.

So a little soothing cheesecake couldn't hurt, right?!

Wrong.

Here's what you'll need:

To make the crust
1 Cup graham cracker crumbs
1/4 Cup sugar
1 Tablespoon butter, melted

And for the filling
2 eggs
12 ounces cream cheese, softened
1 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 cup peach jam, plus 1 cup

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a medium size bowl, combine the graham cracker crumbs with the sugar and butter. Mix well and place in the bottom and sides of your lined cupcake pan. Make sure to press down with the back of a spoon or juice glass. Set crust aside.

Prepare the filling by beating the eggs and cream cheese together. Add the sugar and vanilla and continue beating until well blended. Add 1/4 cup peach jam and mix until incorporated. Pour mixture into prepared crust and bake for 35 to 40 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool for 10 minutes.

Remove cake from oven and top with remaining 1 cup peach jam. Cool to room temperature and then refrigerate overnight. Or until you can't stand it anymore.

These were mediocre, at best. C+ sort of average. Too sweet, too soft, and too gookey. Paula Deen sort of let me down. But at least they hadn't expired, and neither of us are worse off for having eaten them.

Eggs And Jam Don't Mix

There are certain things in life, that just don't mix.

Like oil and water (though apparently, BP disagreed). Peanut butter and banana (yuck). Angelina and Billy Bob (what was she thinking). Or baked beans and my husband (they'll bring tears to your eyes... seriously).

But custard and jam? Yeah. Add them to the list. I'm just not sure that Emeril Lagasse knew what he was doing here.

If you wanna give it a whirl, here's what you'll need:

1 Pie crust (You can go to the trouble and make one yourself, or do the sensible thing, and have the Pillsbury doughboy do it for you.)
4 large eggs
1 Cup heavy cream
2 Cups half and half
3/4 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
Pinch nutmeg
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Blueberry Jam (see recipe here)

Preheat the oven to 400*.

Bake until the crust is golden, 8 to 10 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack to cool. Reduce the oven temperature to 375*.

In a heavy saucepan combine the cream and half and half and heat until mixture just comes to a simmer, stirring occasionally. Whisk the eggs, sugar, salt, nutmeg, and vanilla together to combine. Add the hot milk mixture to the egg-sugar mixture and whisk briskly to blend.

Transfer custard mixture to the pie shell and bake until the custard is set but still slightly wobbly in the center, 40 to 45 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack to cool. When cool to the touch, store it in the fridge.

When you're ready, top with blueberry jam. Or don't. Either way, it's best at room-ish temperature.













I just wasn't taken by the egg and jam mixture. It's like my tastebuds didn't know what to focus on. I'd give this a C+ and Brett would give it a B. The custard itself, isn't bad, if you're into that sort of thing... but don't bother with the jam.

It's like toothpaste and orange juice (the worst). Or Brett Farve and retirement (eye-roll).

Peach Madness

Have you tasted the peaches lately? Oh my goodness! Juicy and yummy and everything that's right with the world!

So we bought two boxes of these delightful specimens... and I decided to ruin them all, by trying to make jam with them.

This was my first real jam-failure, and I didn't take it so well. There was moaning, and tears, and the gnashing of teeth. Dramatic two-fisted-pounding on the countertops and fervent prayers to the jam gods.

And then Brett calmed himself down, and I figured out how to fix things, so that at the very least, the jam was edible.

Here's what you'll need for the recipe found in the Certo Pectin box:

4 Cups chopped peaches (which turns out to be about 10 peaches, pealed and pitted... or pitied, which is what I did when I finished)
1/4 Cup lemon juice
7 1/2 Cups sugar
1 Pouch Certo pectin

Combine all ingredients except the pectin, and bring to a full rolling boil; boil for 1 minute on high, stirring constantly. Add the pectin and return to a full boil, letting boil 1 minute, stirring constantly. Ladle into sterilized jars, leaving 1/8 inch headspace. Boil in the boiling canner for 10 minutes.

If you use this recipe, you'll find a jam so sweet, it'll make your mouth pucker and cause you're arms to flail about uncontrollably, as you work to swallow. It was awful. And the only thing I could think was "perfectly good peaches... sweet, tender, and juicy... and I ruined them."

There was no way I was gonna throw out that many peaches in their prime. So, I dumped all of my canned and sealed jam, back into the stock pot and started adding peaches. I added about 5 more (give or take a bit or two), with their skins still on, as well as another 3 Tablespoons of lemon juice, and brought the whole mess to a rolling boil. I boiled, stirring constantly, for about 15 minutes, to see if it would thicken up a bit (it didn't). Then, I ladled the jam into fresh, sterilized jars, leaving 1/4 inch headspace, and processed as normal.

The end result was a jam that tastes a LOT like the inside of a peach cobbler... which can't be all bad, right?! It's on the runny side (because of all the extra peaches and thus, peach juice that was added) but would be GREAT on top of ice cream. Taste-wise, me and the mister, give this an A.



















Update: My Dad texted me this morning with a thumbs up as well!

Raspberry Heaven

I decided to be "the best little pastor's wife in the world," and made mini-cheesecakes with raspberry jam, for the Elders meeting tonight at the church where my husband serves.

I'm not a great pastor's wife. I don't play the organ or sew or serve on the funeral reception committee or play with peoples babies or even find women's groups, particularly enjoyable. Instead, I play the drums and make inappropriate jokes and wonder why church casseroles always have to include cottage cheese. I encourage churches to hire nursery staff and would rather sit at home watching "So You Think You Can Dance."

Yeah. I'm not so good at the clergy-spouse bit.

So occasionally, I'll try to pocket some brownie points by baking treats for the Elders or the Board. I was inspired by The Pioneer Woman, Betty Crocker, and Martha Stewart for this recipe.

What you'll need:

For the crust
1 Cup pecans (finely crushed)
4 Cups vanilla wafers (finely crushed)
2/3 Stick butter

For the cheesecake
2 Packages cream cheese (softened)
1 Package low-fat cream cheese (softened)
1 Cup sugar
4 Eggs
1 Teaspoon vanilla extract
1 Teaspoon lemon extract
1/2 Cup low-fat sour cream

For the topping
Previously prepared raspberry jam

Preheat oven to 350*.

Melt the butter, add vanilla (stir together), then add your finely crushed pecans and wafers, stirring until coated. Put a good tablespoon of "crust" in each cupcake liner and using a juice glass, press down until it's good and "tight." (It sounds like I'm describing an exercise move. But then, we all know that's not possible, as I'd rather make cheesecake, than exercise.)

In your mixer or a large bowl, add the cream cheeses and the sugar and beat until creamy. Add the eggs one at a time, mixing until incorporated fully. Scrape everything down and throw in the sour cream, mixing well.

Pour cheesecake batter into prepared liners and fill 3/4 full. Bake for about 25 minutes or until the the tops of the cheesecakes juuuust begin to crack. Let them cool on the counter, still in the cupcake pans, for about 5 minutes. The middles will sink just a bit (and if anyone out there can tell me how to make this NOT happen, I'd appreciate it). While they cakes are still warm, spoon about a tablespoon of raspberry jam into the sink-hole. Let them cool completely on the counter and then store in the fridge for up to, two days.




















You'll die when you eat these. And unlike yesterday, you'll be convinced you went to heaven. Perfect for this pastor's wife. Just don't expect me to host the reception.

A+ all around... husband, elders, and myself. Now if you'll excuse me, Alex is about to dance.

Raspberry Hell

I woke up this morning, determined to work out.

I pounded some coffee, threw on a sports bra (casually throwing on a sports bra is no easy task, by the way... there's always quite a bit of wriggling and squirming involved... and if you're a woman, you understand what I'm talking about), bemoaned the fact that I NEVER refill the Brita pitcher when I empty it, and headed for the door with much resolve to end my exercise draught.

I opened the door to step out onto our porch... and I died. I also realized that I've apparently, lived a wretched, sinful life. Because it was HOT!!!

So God, if you're reading this... I'm sorry.

I turned around, seared the palm of my hand on the door knob, and returned to the relative comfort of my air conditioned home.

And made Raspberry Jam.

What you'll need:
2 Quarts raspberries (fresh is best, though I've been told you can use frozen berries, if it's all you've got)
1 Package powdered fruit pectin (they're in little 1.75 oz, brown packages)
7 Cups sugar
1 Tablespoon lemon juice

Crush all your berries until you've got five cups; if they're not totally crushed, fear not... raspberries seem to break down easily when they get rolling. Stir in the pectin and heat over high heat until mixture come to a full boil, stirring constantly. Add sugar all at once and return to a full boil. Boil for one minute, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Ladle into hot, sterilized jars, leaving 1/4 inch headspace. Process filled jars in the boiled water canner for 5 minutes.

I'd give this jam an A- and my husband would give it a solid B+ (he doesn't really like raspberry seeds).

Please the Lord today. Make this jam.

Sneaky Apricot

Drooling yet? It's okay if you wanna come over. My house is clean.

Right this second.

So come now, or not at all. Cause seriously, within the next half hour or so, the place'll be a wreck again.

Yeah. Scratch that. It's already dirty.

Geeze. How do people do it, with children?

Anyway, I had to do SOMETHING with the Apricot Jam, right?!

Though to be fair, this jam would be divine on any sort of pork product you could find... a pulled pork sandwich with a tablespoon or two plopped on top? Used as a grilling sauce for your pork loin? A dip for your pork rinds, perhaps? Possibilities.

But I was craving Peach Cobbler last night. And when the cravings hit, you gotta hit back, right!?

This is a cobbler recipe that's been my Mother's staple for years (she usually uses Blackberries)... but it's not unique. Nope, not unique at all. But it is EASY.

Here's what you'll need:

1/2 Stick of butter (Go ahead and throw this in your large baking dish, pop it in the oven, and begin the preheat process. Set the oven at 375*. The butter will melt while you do the next bit.)

1 Cup ap flour
1 Cup sugar
3 Teaspoons baking powder
1/2 Cup milk
And mix all this together.

5-ish Peaches (Sliced thin with the skins on! I know... but trust me! The texture is wondrous.)
1/2 Cup sugar
1/2 Cup apricot jam (The flavor won't be obvious, but there'll be "something" different. You'll like it!)
1 Tablespoon lemon juice
Dash of cinnamon if it suits your fancy
Throw all this in a pan and bring to a boil.

Pull that baking dish outta the oven and pour the batter mixture in the bottom. Then carefully spoon your peach mixture on top of the batter. Put the whole thing in the oven and cook for about 35 minutes, or until the top is beautifully golden and when you tap the crust, it goes, "thunk." Then it's done.

OF COURSE, you must ignore the 2 cups of sugar and 1/2 a stick of butter... and top it with homemade ice cream. *quiver*

Both of us give this a big, fat A. Cause that's what we're beginning to look like. Big, fat "A's." Must. Stop. Ea... nom, nom, nom.

My Apricot Jam Plan

So one of my favorite lines from Friends, comes after Monica makes loads of jam (her, "Get over my man, jam plan.") and Joey, obviously enjoying his third or fourth jar of jam says, "Remember when your mom used to drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a spoon?"

I figure if we had kids, they'd be singing a similar tune.

I made eight more jars of jam today. Dried Apricot Jam.












Here's what you'll need:

1 Pound dried apricots (chopped)
5 1/2 Cups water (divided
1/4 Cup lemon juice
5 Cups sugar

In 4 cups of water, let your chopped apricots soak and plump overnight. It's like a spa day, for your apricots.

In the morning, throw the whole bowl (water and plumped apricots) into your large pot and add the other 1 1/2 cups of water, as well as the lemon juice. Bring to a mighty boil and then lower the temperature to a simmer. Let simmer for 30 minutes stirring once at the 15 minute mark. Add all the sugar in a slow, steady stream while stirring non-stop. Bring it to a boil again, using high heat... and stir, stir, stir. Reduce the heat to medium-high and boil uncovered for 20 minutes, stirring every 3 minutes or so. Take the pot off the heat and mash any large chunks of apricot. I had some pretty big ones, so I threw them into the food processor. Return chunks to pot (Ugh, that just does not conjure up pleasant images... chunks in a pot. Bleah.) and bring the jam to a simmer again, stirring constantly for 10 minutes.

Ladle into sterilized jars with a 1/4 inch rim. Process in the boiled water canner for 10 minutes.

Husband and I, both give this jam a B+... it's not nearly as sweet as the blueberry jam, a little runny, and not quite as flavorful, but it's still pretty good. Hope you enjoy... and send some with the kids... maybe throw a loaf of bread in their packs on their way out the door. They'll appreciate it and you'll be the best parent ever. Or at least better than we would be.

Rock and Roll Cookies

Lock your daughters in the house and pull out the earplugs... cause the Jam Cookies are in the house!!! Wooooo-whoooooo!

Grandma. Seriously. Put your shirt back on. No one wants to sign your bra.













Jam Cookies.

Get it? Rock and roll cooki... No? To much of a stretch?

Ooookey-dokey. Obviously, some jokes fall on deaf ears.

I've got quite a bit of seriously expensive jam in my house... so it's time to figure out how to use this stuff.

Enter exhibit A: Blueberry Jam Cookies (some folks 'round these parts, call these Thumbprint Cookies).

What you'll need:

2/3 Cup shortening (you can use butter, but they will spread a bit more)
1/3 Cup sugar
2 Egg yolks
1 Teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 Cups flour

Preheat your oven to 350*. Cream shortening and sugar until creamy. Add egg yolks, vanilla. Beat well. Gradually add flour, mixing well. Make into 1" balls. Press down centers with thumb and you can either fill these little rockers with jam now (which will make the jam slightly chewy) or wait until the cookies are done, pull them out of the oven, re-indent (not sure that's a word, but go with it) and then fill them with jam. This is what I did and I like it best that way... the jam warms up and starts to seep into the still-warm cookies. Either way, bake your cookies until they are slightly browned.

These are okay... B/B- kind of okay. Won't bring down the house or nothin'.

Visa's Got Nothin' On Me

Canning supplies.
$49.99

Jars, rings, and seals.
$27.99

Six cups of blueberries.
$6.76

Pectin, sugar, and cinnamon.
$5.00

One kitchen towel that did NOT see the blueberry blood bath comin'.
$2.50

Bandaids and Neosporin to cover the unfortunate splatter burns on the tops of my feet.
$2.84

The perfect piece of toast with homemade blueberry jam.
Nauseatingly expensive.













Clippity clop, clip clop. Calculator. Tappity, tap, tap.

Yep. Each jar of jam has cost me $11.89.

Sigh.

Here's the recipe for the jam, found in the book aptly named, You Can Can. I've made a few adaptations, so I'll list it the way I made it, and you can look the original up yourself.

What you'll need to make Blueberry Jam:
6 Cups blueberries
2 Tablespoons lemon juice
1/4 Teaspoon cinnamon
7 Cups sugar
2 Foil pouches of liquid fruit pectin

Once the blueberries are clean and dry, do the blueberry mash with a potatoe masher or the back end of a spatula. Mash those suckers until there's about 4 1/2 cups. In a large stock pot combine the crushed berries, lemon juice, cinnamon, and sugar, stirring well. Continue to stir as you heat to a full boil. Stir in pectin then return to a full boil. (Side note: I find it helpful to open both packages of pectin before you begin and stand them up in a coffee mug, for easy access... that way, you never have to stop stirring all that sugar, ensuring that scorching doesn't occur.) Boil hard, for one minute.

Ladle at once, into hot sterilized jam jars, leaving a 1/4 inch headspace. Process filled jars in a boiling water canner for 5 minutes (start the timer, when the water returns to a boil). Remove jars and cool on a towel, on the counter. (Another side note: make sure you use a towel, because the temperature differences between the jar, and some countertops, can make the jars crack.)

This was GREAT jam! That little bit of cinnamon is the perfect addition! We both give it an A!

And Now We Return To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

I mentioned several posts back (like, before I got sidetracked with my husband being in another country) that it was my desire, to can. The strawberries didn't exactly pan out, but the one berry that did appear, was freakishly pretty.

We divided it in fourths and each had a sample. And yes, by "we" I mean myself, my husband, and our two dogs. Shuffles (the bunny) doesn't like strawberries.

It was tasteless, and I lose interest pretty quickly.

So I moved on to blueberries.

Months ago we rescued a fledgling blueberry plant out of the belly of WalMart. I can't stand WalMart, so I don't even know why we were there... I think I went in for a musket and some toilet paper. Instead, I walked out, with the first season of Jersey Shore and a dying blueberry plant. Good times.

Then we got crazy and sprung for the high dollar bit, snagging this beauty.

And for my birthday, my dear sweet, ever encouraging husband... bought me this.

He has such faith in me, I can barely stand it. That, and he knows I need a hobby. Unemployment is not my friend, people. Nope. Not even a little bit.

So. Let the canning begin.