Soothing: Pumpkin Frozen Yogurt

We're all adults here, right? I mean, if I whispered the acronym "OBGYN" in your ear, you wouldn't giggle and turn red in the face? You wouldn't snort coffee out of your nose and politely excuse yourself to "teh-hee" in private?

Well, if you can handle it, carry on. But seriously, if you absolutely can't read through those five letters without snickering... and trust me, I'd understand...you'll want to kindly turn to the next blog.

Because today, I had my wellness exam with my... well, you know.

Mind you, the last time I had the lovely experience of visiting my friendly acronym, it was 2007. So, I was a little overdue. And since I only shave my legs every five years or so, it seemed to coincide perfectly. (I think I've mentioned it before... but it bears repeating. Brett is a lucky, lucky dude.)

Which is where we run into troubles. Shaving my legs.

Apparently, I pulled out a razor that had been sitting in my drawer since 1983 and decided it was the best possible tool to tackle the job at hand.

Running low on body wash - aka. shaving cream for the lazy sorts - I decided to use my face wash. I know... that doesn't seem quite right... but when you buy your face wash from Sam's Club, and literally have a GALLON of it sitting under your sink... you feel as if you can use it freely and unabashedly.

I was all lathered up and getting ready to start the taming process...when my leg started to tingle a bit.

Ignore it, Trish. That just means "it's working." Huh? What? Yeah. Both "huh?" AND "what?" would have been good questions to ask at the time. Carry on...

The next series of events, went something like this: Leg one done.... peek out of the shower... see I have exactly 15 minutes to finish, get dressed and head out the door... frantically get second leg done... hop out of shower... admonish self for hopping... realize I have nothing more than a washcloth to dry off with... make note to curse husband and his towel stealing ways... grab for the bottt............................... YEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

So. You know the tracks that Tonka Trucks make in a sand box? Well, that's pretty much what the inside of my thighs look like... and the backs of my legs... and my bikini line.... and my underarms......

As it turns out, my face wash was 18% Salicylic Acid. Yep. Did. Not. Know. That. Coupled with a somewhat suspect razor, time constraints, and shall we say, tender skin.... well. It just didn't end well. Any attempt to impress by new doctor with my stunning good looks and impeccable grooming techniques... failed miserably.

And if you thought I couldn't make the tie between my OBGYN visit and fro-yo.... you were mistaken. Well, that.... and there's a chance that you don't know me at all.

Because we all need something soothing at the end of the day.... here's Pumpkin Frozen Yogurt. Which tastes like Pumpkin Cheesecake. Which can't be a bad thing when you decide to get gussied up for your OBGYN and end up instead, lighting the lower half of your body on fire. And which I hope you enjoy.

What you'll need for Pumpkin Frozen Yogurt:
4 Cups homemade yogurt
1 Cup pumpkin puree
1/3 Cup plus one teaspoon maple syrup
1/3 Cup plus one tablespoon brown sugar
1/2 Teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 Teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 Teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 Cup toasted pecans (I go heavy on the nuts. No comments, please.)

In case you wonder how to toast a pecan... heat the oven to 350 degrees. Spread chopped pecans over a foil lined baking sheet. Bake pecans for 3 minutes. Give 'em a stir. Bake for an additional 3 to 5 minutes, or until the pecans begin to give off a sweet scent. Really watch them though...they tend get excited and burn themselves. Allow to cool.

In a large mixing bowl, combine all the ingredients (minus the pecans) and mix well. Use a whisk to break up the lumps in the mixture that come because of the homemade texture of the yogurt. Pour the soupy mixture into a prepared ice cream maker and give it a whirl for 30-40 minutes. At the conclusion of the cycle, thrown in the toasted pecans and let it go for another spin or two. Freeze for at least 3-4 hours prior to serving.

In Training: Nutmeg Pumpkin Cookies

Somehow, I committed myself to a 5k on Thanksgiving morning.  And agreed to be the team leader.  And turned a nice little three person walk... with my Aunt, my Mother, and myself... into a family affair, involving husbands, Fathers, distant cousins, the local deli manager, and a Catholic priest.  I've begged my Pulmonologist to walk with me... "it's for the kids," I told her.... but I'm pretty sure she sees right through me, and must know that I fear for my well-being.  Seriously fear.

It sounded like a GREAT idea... in early September.  When it was warm outside and I couldn't help but think... "oh dude!  I've got like, two months to train."  Which is a funny sentence in and of itself.  Saying dude.  And "train" as it pertains to exercise.

Then early October hit... and I'm thinking... "dadgum.  I really should get to the gym sometime."  And I casually email my cohorts to let them know about an old war injury that's flaring up... so chances are good, I'm gonna need to jog, rather than run, this 5k.  (As if I do 5k's every weekend... and this one, is juuuust slipping away from me.)

Then early November rolls around... and I'm thinking... "dadgum.  I really should get to the gym sometime."  Yet I managed to convince myself that if I "work out everyday, from here on out... everything'll be fiiiiiine."  I mentioned in a carefully worded email, that walking briskly might be more up my alley, but that I'm holding out hope.  And sent the carefully worded email to seven people, who then forward it to seven people, who then forward it to seven people... and before I knew it, I was getting letters of encouragement from folks in Haiti and President Obama paused for a moment in the middle of his meeting with the Japanese Prime Minister, just to say good luck.  It was touching.

And so today, November 21st, after I've worked out a total of two times, I've decided drop the charade and begin a prayer campaign called Operation Coldnflurry.  And take pictures (as proof) on my phone, of an ice pack propped on my knee, sending it on to the familial participants, with a sheepish note that says something to the effect, "Cn't wlk. No 5k 4 T." (Because apparently vowels are too hard to type.)

The ice pack may or may not, have been a ruse.

So to kill the time that I'm NOT using to train for my first 5k... I made Pumpkin Nutmeg White Chocolate Chip Cookies.

What you'll need:
1 Cup butter, softened
1 Cup packed brown sugar
1 Teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 Teaspoon baking soda
1 Cup pumpkin puree
1 Egg
2 Teaspoons vanilla
2 Cups all-purpose flour
2 Cups white chocolate chips
1 Cup chopped pecans

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Beat your butter until it's nice and fluffy.  Add brown sugar, nutmeg, and baking soda. Beat until combined, scraping bowl occasionally. Beat in pumpkin, egg, and vanilla until combined. Beat in as much of the flour as you can with the mixer. Using a wooden spoon, stir in any remaining flour. Chances are good, that if you're using the homemade puree, you will not need to stop and fold in the remaining flour as the water content of the homemade puree is a bit higher.) Stir in white chocolate and pecan pieces.

Place about two inches apart on baking sheet and bake between 10-13 minutes, or until the edges turn golden and the middles no longer look gooey.  Cool them on the baking sheet for about 2 minutes, before having them cool completely on a plate or rack.

Don't be fooled by the fact that these are from Better Homes and Gardens (which in general, is a little on the bland, overly sweet, "every-child's food" end of things).  These are great! Each one, is like eating a slice of cake!  Delightful... not to mention, helpful, when you're trying to "train."

Now, I'd better go lick some elementary school drinking fountains.  See if I can't catch a very unfortunate cold by Thursday.