Getting Hired: Pumpkin Bars

My husband's always been a big fan of "The Bar" desserts.  For those of you who don't know what these are... think "sweet casserole."  I always figured this had something to do with the fact that my husband grew up in a household that was pretty entrenched in the church.  Monthly potluck dinners, weekly youth group, a father who served (and still serves) as an Elder, a mother who is the choir director...

And when churches interview for choir directors, it usually goes something like this:

"Nice to have you here!  Now we have a few questions for you." 

"You have a degree in music, I see.  And how are you at running the nursery?  We gear ours towards birth through 3rd grade."

"Ah!  Classically trained!  Great!  We'll need you to run our Contemporary Service.  But make sure it's low key enough to not make our older crowd mad, but loud and raucous enough to pull in the young people.  You can do that, right?  Do you know how to play the drums?"

"And before we go... how are you at the dessert bars?  We try to have a potluck once a month and some of our older folks are starting to put cat food in theirs (...can't stop thinking about Christmas Vacation!!!)."

Dessert bars happen to be my mother-in-laws speciality.  She's been their choir director now, for about 30 years.

So tell me I'm wrong.

Here's the Pumpkin Bar.  Maybe your calling is be a choir director.  You'll have a headstart on the other fools who only know how to bake cupcakes.

What you'll need:

1 Cup flour
1/2 Cup old-fashioned oats
1/2 Cup brown sugar, packed
1/2 Cup butter, softened

Preheat oven to 350*.  Combine all these ingredients and mix until it crumbles.  Press on the bottom of ungreased 13x9 inch pan. Bake for 15 minutes.

3/4 Cup white sugar
2 1/4 Cup pumpkin puree
1 Can evaporated milk
2 Eggs
2 1/4 Teaspoons pumpkin pie spice

Combine all these ingredients and beat on medium for about a minute or two. It will be very soupy.  That's okay. Pour over crust.  Bake for 30 minutes.  And then combine the two ingredients below.

1 Cup pecans, chopped
1/4 Cup brown sugar, packed

Sprinkle the pecan topping over the pumpkin filling and bake for another 30-40 minutes.  Like most recipes, if you use canned puree, you probably won't have to bake it as long... so keep an eye on it and take it out when you can slip a knife in it, and it comes out clean.  Cool completely in the pan.  And this is what you'll get...

Good enough to get you hired!  I promise!

Allergy Free: Pumpkin Pie

My Sister-in-Law and my baby Nephew have allergies.  Between them, they are allergic to milk, butter, cheese, chocolate, soy, canola oil, wheat, baby kittens, and rainbows.  (Okay, not really the last one... but maybe, the second to last one.)

Several weeks ago, my Brother-in-Law texted me, asking for a dairy-free, soy-free pumpkin pie for his lady (my Sister-in-Law) and his boy (my dear sweet Nephew).  This is what I found at  http://www.onefrugalfoodie.com/ and tweeked; it's also nut-free and gluten-free. 

What you'll need:
1/2 Cup brown sugar, packed
1/4 Cup sugar
1 Teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 Teaspoon ginger
1/4 Teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 Teaspoon allspice
1/8 Teaspoon salt
2 Eggs
2 1/2 Cups pumpkin puree
1 1/2 Teaspoon vanilla
1 Cup coconut milk (don't use low fat)

Preheat your oven to 425ºF.

Combine the sugars, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg or allspice, cloves and salt in a small bowl. In a large bowl, beat the eggs. Beat in the sugars, pumpkin, and vanilla until smooth. Fold in the coconut milk.

Pour the filling into the unbaked pie crust (or see below) and bake for 15 minutes. Reduce the temperature to 350ºF and continue to bake for 50 to 60 minutes, or until a knife inserted comes out clean. It may be a bit wobbly still, but it will firm-up as it cools.

Allow the pie to cool on a wire rack for 2 hours (Be patient! This is important). Serve or refrigerate until ready to serve.

A vegetarian, gluten-free, dairy-free crust that I came across in the "comments" section of the same website, and decided to use, is as follows:

2 Cups rolled oats
1/4 Cup agave sweetener
1/4 Cup vegetable oil (but coconut oil would work well here too)
1 Teaspoon cinnamon

Throw the oats in to the food processor and process them for the length of time it takes to sing "Happy Birthday."  Mix everything together and prebake the crust at 350 for 10 minutes, before you fill it with the pumpkin pie… and it turns out... but just barely.  It looks and tastes, a little bit like a flattened, soggy bowl of oatmeal.

I am thankful that I do not not have these type of restrictive allergies... though if you've ever met my Sister-in-Law, you'd know that she's the cutest, prettiest little thing you ever saw, with a radiant smile and delightful laugh... which I can only assume, has something to do with the fact that she is not tempted daily, by Satan.  And by Satan, I mean Block Cheese. 

This pie (at least the pumpkin part) is good.  Really good!  And if you're allergic to to the smell of newborn babies (bleah) and butterfly kisses... this might just work for you!

Back To Simplicity: Pumpkin Pie

I live about two hours from my parents.

Two hours is far enough that we both have our own space. But thankfully close enough that we see each other on a fairly regular basis. And can babysit the dogs, when one or the other, leaves town.

Recently, I headed down there with the dogs in tow.

I'm flyin' along in my gas-guzzling SUV (Please, judge me. I do. Everyday.), cruise control set at 73 mph, radio blaring, cell-phone propped up for easy access, mentally ticking through my "to do" list that loomed frighteningly in front of me before we could leave for vacation... when I passed a horse drawn carriage, being guided by two Mennonite men.

Both men where wearing the traditional "plain" clothing; black hat, black pants, non-descript shirt and shoes. Their horses plodded along at an easy pace and I instinctively slowed my own vehicle in response to the apparent ease and pace of life, that was present around me. I was struck by my own need for noise and speed and doing. And I was a little envious.

As I continued to slow my speeding car, I clicked off the radio, put my silly phone away, and took a breath... a deep, slowing breath. And I gave God thanks, for little reminders that pass through our world... reminders of what simplicity and connection and "living out ones faith" might really mean.

As I passed these men, something caught my eye. 

Two distinctive, white cords dangling from either side of the brim of his black hat. And his friend? All be darn, if he didn't have a cell phone up to his ear. A CELLPHONE! And EARBUDS!

So forget it. I apparently can't rely on anyone anymore.

Justin Timberlake can bring sexy back all he wants... I'M BRINGING SIMPLICITY BACK.

Here's what you'll need, for a simple Pumpkin Pie.

(Yeah.  I can't lie.  This picture is really about showing you my favorite Thanksgiving plates.)

3/4 Cup light brown sugar
1/8 Teaspoon salt
1 Teaspoon cinnamon
1 Teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 Teaspoon ground ginger (scant)
2 Eggs
2 1/4 Cups pumpkin puree
1 (12-ounce) Can evaporated milk

In small bowl, combine sugar, salt and spices. Beat eggs in a large bowl. Stir in pumpkin and evaporated milk. Pour into pie shell. Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes. Reduce temperature to 350 and bake for 45 minutes or until firm.

This recipe is a little bit Libby's, a little bit Food Network, and a little bit Yum. 

And Simple.  So.  Take that, Mennonites.

Day 19: Pumpkin-Pecan Pie with Whiskey Butter Sauce

Yow-za!!

I'm a light weight. There's no question about it. Other than the sip of wine I have, three times a week, for communion... I drink about two times a year and that drink usually includes an umbrella or a chunk of tropical fruit lounging on the side of the glass for effect... so we're not talking, the hard stuff. In fact, I usually enjoy the tiny umbrella more than the actual drink itself. (Picture reenactments of Gene Kelley's iconic performance from "Singing in the Rain," only with a teeny tiny umbrella. Whew. Funny stuff.)

So, if you're like me, and you consider that box of Merlot in your fridge, sort of over the top, you might find this pie a little... er... strong. I'm pretty sure I was drunk after the first bite. That however, did not stop multiple family members from pouring whiskey straight from the bottle into their plastic SoHo cup "just to try it." Now granted, I did use the best of the best.

(I hand dipped that bottle myself, back in 2000, while at seminary in Lexington, Kentucky. The irony of it all, does not escape me. But I'd like the record to note, that of the group of seminarians -- future ministers of mainline protestant congregations that generally frown upon excessive drinking -- that went to the distillery, I was the only one that still had an unopened bottle left!)

What you'll need:

For the Pumpkin Filling...
1 cup pumpkin puree
1/4 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
2 tablespoons sugar
1 large egg, beaten until frothy
1 tablespoon heavy cream
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, softened
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Pinch of ground allspice
Pinch of ground nutmeg

For the Pecan Syrup...
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup dark corn syrup
2 small eggs
1 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 pinch salt
1 pinch ground cinnamon
3/4 cup pecan pieces

For the Good Stuff (otherwise known as Whiskey Butter Sauce)...
4 tablespoons unsalted butter (1/2 stick)
1/3 cup sugar
1 large egg
1/2 tablespoon very hot water
1/4 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup bourbon whiskey

Pumpkin Filling... Combine all the ingredients thoroughly in a medium bowl; set aside.
Pecan Syrup... Combine all the ingredients thoroughly in a medium bowl; set aside.

Preheat the oven to 325*. The original recipe in New Tastes from Texas (though "new" is relative... this recipe is from 1993), calls for making your own crust, and baking it in a spring-form pan. That sounded like an awful lot of trouble, so I used a store bought (deep-dish) crust and it worked just find.

Spoon the pumpkin mixture into the pan, spreading evenly to distribute. Gently pour the syrup on top. Bake until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean, about 1 hour and 45 minutes. Cool and serve with Whiskey Butter Sauce.

Whiskey Butter Sauce... Melt the butter in the top of a double boiler set over gently simmering water. Beat the sugar and egg in a small bowl until blended. Stir the egg mixture into the butter. Add the hot water and stir until the mixture coats the back of a spoon, about 7 minutes. Remove from the double boiler and let cool to room temperature. Stir in the cream and whiskey. I might mention, that glancing at the recipe when adding the whiskey, might not be a bad idea. I didn't... thought I'd wing it. Added half a cup (mind you, at an Aunt's bidding) and need I say... it was a little much. For instance:

Here's a picture of my Dad, getting ready to try his first bite of pie. He's excited!

Here's my Dad, having JUST taken his first bite of pie. In about thirty seconds, the whiskey's gonna hit him.

Here's my Dad, and the whiskey hit him. We found him later, sprawled out back, licking the bowl that the sauce was in. He liked it!

I think the heavy hitters in my family would give it an A. I'd give it a B-... as it turns out, I'm not much of a whiskey fan. And I sort of wish I had my unopened bottle back. Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm Apologizing in Advance...

So, I've gone back and forth about posting these pictures... and normally, I don't take the cheap "potty humour" shot. I'd rather my humour be classically cynical and demoralizing. But I'm all out of material today... and having just gotten home from work and multiple stores, I don't have the energy to cook. And you know, the fans and groupies need something. (Geeze, it's like the Twilight premier outside my door... I'm always "No autographs from the pumpkin lady today... go home Punkards. Nothin' to see here." And yet they persist.)

So if you find the suggestion of poop offensive... please, avert thine eyes. Otherwise, carry on.

What makes these photographs even funnier (at least to me), is that BOTH my Mother and my Father sent me separate emails containing these guys... unbeknownst to each other (I'm assuming). Now my Dad, I can kind of expect this sort of thing... but my Mom?! Yeah! That threw me for a poop... I mean loop!

But in the spirit of the season of giving thanks... and spending two days cooking a meal that lasts 15 minutes... and seeing family you love and tolerating the others... and the baking of more pumpkin pies in one day than most countries bake in one year...

Here is how your pumpkin pie was made...




















I love that spectacular grunt-face!





















And the fact that this one is reading a Better Homes and Gardens type magazine cracks me up!!!

Now see... didn't you at least crack (Ha, ha, ha! Everytime I say crack... ha, ha, ha!) the tiniest of smiles?

Day 4: Pumpkin Pi with Walnut and Brown-Sugar Topping

A six year old at my church, told me the following joke:

Question: What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter?
Answer: Pumpkin Pi

Let's forget about the joke for a minute, and wonder.... when you were six, were you using words likes circumference and diameter? Seriously? Or was I just THAT far behind everyone else?

Now as far as the joke goes.... I'm not sure it's the funniest one I've ever heard from this particular kids mouth... but it DOES make for a great lead into today's post!

Pumpkin "Pi" with Brown Sugar-Walnut Topping














What you'll need:

1 Deep "pi" crust (I don't judge... use a store bought one.)

For "pi":
1 Cup packed light brown sugar
2 Large eggs
1/2 Teaspoon salt (I used 1/4 Teas)
1/2 Teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 Teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 Teaspoon ground cloves (I can't stand cloves, so I used 1/4 Teas Allspice)
(I also added 1/4 Teaspoon nutmeg)
1 Cup pureed pumpkin
1 Cup heavy whipping cream

Heat your oven to 350*. Prebake your frozen crust for about 15 minutes or until golden brown; I suggest putting it on a cookie sheet for easier handling down the road.

For your "pi" -- combine sugar, eggs, and all the spices on low with your hand mixer. Add the pumpkin and the whipping cream and beat on high for about a minute. Pour filling into crust. It will be FULL (hence, the need for the cookie sheet). The recipe says to bake for 30 minutes. That's a funnier joke than what the six year old told... I had that baking for about an hour and 35 minutes before I put the topping on it.

For the topping:

Combine 1/2 cup finely chopped walnuts, 1/4 cup packed light brown sugar, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon. When your "pi" has cooked long enough to be firm, sprinkle your topping evenly over the top. Return to the oven and reduce the temperature to 325*. Bake for another 15 minutes or until the "pi" is set and slightly puffed up in the center.

If at any point, your crust begins to burn, you can cover the edges with foil.

I didn't love this "pi." I'd probably give it a B, B- and my husband would probably give it a solid B. The pumpkin "pi" filling part, was delish! But I wasn't a fan of the brown sugar topping... too sweet (a gasp fills the room... never did they imagine that Trish would name something "too sweet"). I suspect the theory is, that the brown sugar melts into the "pi" (is that getting old yet? No?) like this:














See that dark area in the middle... that's yummy. The crunchy, grainy, brown sugar on top... not so much.

But alas, it did not keep me from eating my pi...