A Warning: Gluten Free Pumpkin Bread

I had a big day planned. You know the type where you feel important and busy and like you've got a handle on everything. 

I dressed in my finest "I own life" outfit, spent a little more time than usual on my hair and makeup, redid my neglected nail polish, gathered the days needs and headed out to my car....only to turn the ignition and hear the tell-tell click of a dead car. 

I no longer feel important or busy or like I've got a handle on ANYTHING.  Lesson learned universe.  Lesson freakin' learned.

And the thing that sort of burns my hide is....I was warned. I got my oil changed yesterday and the technician had to jump start my car in order to pull it out of the garage. 

"Oh that's a fluke," I say.  I own life.

"But this indicates to me that you need a new battery, ma'am." I'm too busy.

"My car won't do that again," I trust.  I'm important.

It sort of serves me right.

So, just know.  You've been warned.  Here's a nearly perfect, can't-tell-it's-gluten-free, Gluten Free Pumpkin and Walnut Bread.  Do with that information, what you will.

What you'll need:

2 Cups gluten-free all-purpose baking flour; I use a special order mix called Carol's All Purpose Pastry Blend but you can always make your own and I really like this little tutorial if you're new to that sort of thing.
1/2 Cup almond meal or almond flour
1/4 Cup rice flour*
1 Teaspoon baking soda
1/4 Teaspoon salt
4 Large eggs
2-2 1/2 Cups pumpkin puree; *a can of Libby's pumpkin puree is 2 cups and if you use Libby's (or any canned pumpkin) do not add the rice flour...if you make your own puree, you can get away with a little more pumpkin in your bread, but because it's inevitably a little more "wet," you'll want to add the rice flour.
3/4 Cup sugar
1/3 Cup canola oil
1 Teaspoon vanilla
1/2-3/4 Cup chopped walnuts; I always tend to go heavy on the nuts (ba-dum-ching).

What to do:
Combine the flour, baking soda, salt and set aside. In your stand mixer, (or it you're old school, with the ol' beater hand mixer) whisk the eggs, pumpkin, sugar, oil and vanilla. Stir into dry ingredients just until moistened. Add walnuts and fold in.

Fill two loaf pans coated with cooking spray, evenly. Sprinkle the tops with a little brown sugar if you like a little crunch (I love the crunch, which you don't really get otherwise, with gluten free baking). Bake at 350° for 45-55 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pans. And enjoy.

Soothing: Pumpkin Frozen Yogurt

We're all adults here, right? I mean, if I whispered the acronym "OBGYN" in your ear, you wouldn't giggle and turn red in the face? You wouldn't snort coffee out of your nose and politely excuse yourself to "teh-hee" in private?

Well, if you can handle it, carry on. But seriously, if you absolutely can't read through those five letters without snickering... and trust me, I'd understand...you'll want to kindly turn to the next blog.

Because today, I had my wellness exam with my... well, you know.

Mind you, the last time I had the lovely experience of visiting my friendly acronym, it was 2007. So, I was a little overdue. And since I only shave my legs every five years or so, it seemed to coincide perfectly. (I think I've mentioned it before... but it bears repeating. Brett is a lucky, lucky dude.)

Which is where we run into troubles. Shaving my legs.

Apparently, I pulled out a razor that had been sitting in my drawer since 1983 and decided it was the best possible tool to tackle the job at hand.

Running low on body wash - aka. shaving cream for the lazy sorts - I decided to use my face wash. I know... that doesn't seem quite right... but when you buy your face wash from Sam's Club, and literally have a GALLON of it sitting under your sink... you feel as if you can use it freely and unabashedly.

I was all lathered up and getting ready to start the taming process...when my leg started to tingle a bit.

Ignore it, Trish. That just means "it's working." Huh? What? Yeah. Both "huh?" AND "what?" would have been good questions to ask at the time. Carry on...

The next series of events, went something like this: Leg one done.... peek out of the shower... see I have exactly 15 minutes to finish, get dressed and head out the door... frantically get second leg done... hop out of shower... admonish self for hopping... realize I have nothing more than a washcloth to dry off with... make note to curse husband and his towel stealing ways... grab for the bottt............................... YEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

So. You know the tracks that Tonka Trucks make in a sand box? Well, that's pretty much what the inside of my thighs look like... and the backs of my legs... and my bikini line.... and my underarms......

As it turns out, my face wash was 18% Salicylic Acid. Yep. Did. Not. Know. That. Coupled with a somewhat suspect razor, time constraints, and shall we say, tender skin.... well. It just didn't end well. Any attempt to impress by new doctor with my stunning good looks and impeccable grooming techniques... failed miserably.

And if you thought I couldn't make the tie between my OBGYN visit and fro-yo.... you were mistaken. Well, that.... and there's a chance that you don't know me at all.

Because we all need something soothing at the end of the day.... here's Pumpkin Frozen Yogurt. Which tastes like Pumpkin Cheesecake. Which can't be a bad thing when you decide to get gussied up for your OBGYN and end up instead, lighting the lower half of your body on fire. And which I hope you enjoy.

What you'll need for Pumpkin Frozen Yogurt:
4 Cups homemade yogurt
1 Cup pumpkin puree
1/3 Cup plus one teaspoon maple syrup
1/3 Cup plus one tablespoon brown sugar
1/2 Teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 Teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 Teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 Cup toasted pecans (I go heavy on the nuts. No comments, please.)

In case you wonder how to toast a pecan... heat the oven to 350 degrees. Spread chopped pecans over a foil lined baking sheet. Bake pecans for 3 minutes. Give 'em a stir. Bake for an additional 3 to 5 minutes, or until the pecans begin to give off a sweet scent. Really watch them though...they tend get excited and burn themselves. Allow to cool.

In a large mixing bowl, combine all the ingredients (minus the pecans) and mix well. Use a whisk to break up the lumps in the mixture that come because of the homemade texture of the yogurt. Pour the soupy mixture into a prepared ice cream maker and give it a whirl for 30-40 minutes. At the conclusion of the cycle, thrown in the toasted pecans and let it go for another spin or two. Freeze for at least 3-4 hours prior to serving.

Seriously: Pumpkin Yogurt

For reals.  I made yogurt.  In my crockpot.  Like the pilgrims did.

It's sort of ridiculous... but I blame it on my Mother.  Like any good, grown woman, I still like to blame her for a number of things...

But Christmas shopping for my Mother, is like going to the dentist... the only way to get to the dentist though, is to trek barefoot through the Everglades, sidestepping alligators and predatory birds, and subsisting on nothing more than swamp water and mud.  And then once you finally make it to the dentist... despite all the anticipation and anxiety and remorse you feel for not flossing regularly... your dentist tells you that he was kidding and doesn't really have time for the procedure he scheduled you for......

Which is to say... it's tough. In fact, I'm still sort-a recovering from it, even one month later.

Thing is... she is not a woman of many wants... but she is a woman, who makes her own yogurt.

So THIS Christmas...well, let's just say, I thought I'd struck gold.  I was going to buy her an Automatic Yogurt Maker from Williams Sonoma.  I'll give you a moment to ooohhh and ahhhhh. (Photo credited to Williams Sonoma.)

I read every review, searched every crevice of the Internet, checked out the Consumer Reports, talked it over with my husband... and at the end of the day, decided that this yogurt maker would make a VERY nice gift. 

For me.

Because let's face it... any appliance that has only one, single use... is not for my Mother.  She got rid of her couch several years ago, and replaced it with a treadmill, 'cause the couch was "just sitting there." 

So... it sort of got me thinking about making my own yogurt.  I won't get into the specifics, but I've been quite ill, off and on, since before Thanksgiving, and for a bit, I was subsisting on Greek Yogurt and blueberries... and figured it can't be THAT hard to make, right?  Right!

What you'll need (for the yogurt portion of the recipe):

8 Cups milk (I used skim!, organic)
1/2 Cup yogurt (From the store... apparently, you only have to do this once, and from here on out, you can use your own "starter." I used Organic Yogurt, but you don't have to copy me for evvvverything.  Go ahead.  Be you're own person.  Use Yoplait, you crazy cat!)

Um. Yeah, that's it.  Put the milk in the crockpot and heat it on low for 2 1/2 hours.  Unplug the crockpot but leave the cover on, and let it sit for 3 hours.  When 3 hours have passed, scoop out 2 cups of the warmish milk and put it in a bowl. Whisk in 1/2 cup of store-bought live/active culture yogurt. Then dump it all back into the crockpot. Stir to combine.

Put the lid back on your crockpot. Keep it unplugged and wrap a heavy bath or beach towel all the way around the crockpot for insulation. Go to bed or let it sit for 8 hours.

This is my crockpot, ready for a day at the beach:

(Silly crockpot.  Doesn't know it's January.)

The next day, you can let it rest in a coffee filter to thicken up a bit (I didn't do this, as I seriously lack patience when it comes to food)... but that's it.

So.... I took it up a notch and as the purveyor of things pumpkin and decided to make pumpkin yogurt.

What you'll need (to make it pumpkin-y):

1/2 Cup pumpkin puree
1 Teaspoon sugar or maple syrup (optional...the maple granola makes up for the sugar need)
1 Teaspoon cinnamon
Dash of nutmeg and allspice
1/4 Cup granola
1 Cup homemade yogurt (like the pilgrims did)

Mix it all together...

So, that settles it.  Mom is getting pumpkin yogurt every Christmas, from here on out. 

Always good to plan ahead.

To Rue: Amish Friendship Bread

Ahhhhhh... Amish Friendship Bread.  The edible chain letter.

A few weeks ago, I thought, "Oh... you know what I haven't had in a while... like since 1997, kind-a while?  Friendship bread!"  And because I had that thought in my head, I was somehow obligated to share that ever-so-witty-and-thoughtful thought, on Facebook.

Then out of no where, up pops a friend who offers a starter.  Stupid Facebook.  I rue you.  RUE!!

*I should note... I rue my thought and I really rue Facebook... not said friend, who nicely offered a starter and even did the "mushing" while I was out of town.  Just in case she reads this blog...

Now I have three fermenting starters sitting on my counter and one in the fridge.... the one in the fridge isn't so bad... I open the fridge a dozen times a day, and each time, I hear a flat, lifeless, "Whad'up." 

Ohhhh... but the bags on the counter... (eyeroll).  They jabber non-stop:

"I feel bloated."

"I have a sour taste in my mouth."

"I could use some sugar."

"It's cold in here."
"Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?  Are we..."
"Do I look fat in this baggie?"
"I doughn't get it... could you at yeast explain it to me?"
"Mush it.  Mush it reeeeal good."

Yeah.  That last one has some serious issues.

So.  If you'd like an Amish Friendship Bread starter and you live... I don't know... within a three hundred mile radius of the KC metro area... they're yours! 

And then you can make Pumpkin Amish Friendship Bread.  Or would it be Amish Pumpkin Friendship Bread?  Or Amish Friendship Pumpkin Bread?  Anyway...

What you'll need:

1 Cup starter
3 Eggs
2/3 Cup vegetable oil
1/2 Cup milk
1 Teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 Cups pumpkin puree

Pre-heat your oven to 325*.  Mix together the wet ingredients.  If only to make the yammering stop.  And just trust me on this one... that vegetable oil... that entire 2/3 of a cup... is about 1/2 cup LESS than what you'd normally be putting in, if you eliminated the pumpkin. So thank your lucky stars and move on.

Then you'll need:

2 Cups flour
1 Cup sugar
1 1/2 Teaspoon baking powder
1/2 Teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2-2 Teaspoons cinnamon
1/2 Teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 Teaspoon allspice
1 Cup chopped pecans (though you could certainly add cranberries, dates, etc. as well)

Add dry ingredients; just go ahead and pile them all in there, then stir.  Pour into two well greased and sugared bread pans or six mini loaf pans.  Bake for about a 1 hour and 15 minutes.  A toothpick should come out clean.

It's yummy!  And just like the olden days...

And then start the whole dang process over again in 9-10 days.

Rue, I tell ya...

A New Rhythm: Gooey Pumpkin Bars

Everything is happening a little too fast around here... I started listening to Christmas music a full two weeks prior to my self-imposed "start date," which has been a fast and furious rule around here, for as long as we've been married.  Thanksgiving came out of no-where.  Boxes of Christmas decorations have been pulled out of storage since last Thursday.  The tree... up since last Saturday.  I have a wreath hanging on my door.  A WREATH... before Thanksgiving day.  This is not cool.

But it's a necessity this year. 

It's probably not a surprise, but the Christian calendar provides a lot of stability in my life.  That long season of Pentecost... which always seems disproportionate with the actual length of the life of Jesus, comes to an an abrupt halt.  And we leap into Advent... breathing in the breadth of possibility and hope and new life in the midst of gray skies and dry, crunchy leaves.  I spend all year, longing for Advent... for the rhythm of waiting and sitting and anticipating and hoping for things not necessarily hoped for throughout the rest of the year.  I wait for the nesting and the baking and the smells of warmth and the glimpses of peace, in the midst of chaos.  Christmas lights make me weep and snow blanketing the ground, fills my spirit with much needed renewal.  I find warmth in the chill and comfort in the bustle.

But this year, it's all different.  We'll be gone for week two and three, of Advent... and I've lost my orientation, my rhythm.  I don't know how to "do" Advent and Christmas, without the week to week progression, the hearing of our biblical story, and the steady climb that we make, as church, to the birth of a newborn baby... the birth of hope.

So I'm satiating, with disproportionate amounts of butter and sugar.  And I made Paula Deen's Ooey-Gooey Pumpkin Bars.  Though they won't do a lot for renewing the spirit, they're quick and easy and they get the job done.  And I guess sometimes, that's all you can do.

What you'll need for the cake:

1 Yellow cake mix
1 Egg
8 Tablespoons butter, melted

What you'll need for the filling:

2 Cup pumpkin puree
1 8-Ounce package cream cheese, softened
3 Eggs
1 Teaspoon vanilla
8 Tablespoons butter, melted
3 Cups powdered sugar
1 Teaspoon cinnamon
1 Teaspoon nutmeg

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

To make the cake, combine all of the ingredients and mix well. Pat the mixture into a lightly greased 13x9-inch baking pan. And at this point you're thinking... well, this isn't SO bad (at least not for Paula Deen).  I mean, 8 Tablespoons of butter?  Yeah, that hurts a little bit... but it's not gonna kill me.  And then you make the filling...

In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese and pumpkin until smooth. Add the eggs, vanilla, and EIGHT MORE Tablespoons of butter... and beat together. Next, add the powdered sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and mix well.

Spread pumpkin mixture over cake batter and bake for 40 to 50 minutes. Make sure not to over bake as the center should be a little gooey.  Then serve it to your family... and have the car running in case anyone can't handle their butter.

It's okay...it won't bring about world peace or sooth the weary soul, but you can eat it, knowing that it's not the last dessert you'll ever know... and just enjoy it for what it is... a little over the top, a bit cheapened by the commercialized-out-of-a-box taste, different than what you'd normally make...but still beckoning the holidays.

Blessings to you all this Thanksgiving Eve... may you know a rhythm of peace and joy and hope... even if it's a little different this year...

Never Had a Chance: Pumpkin Fudge

Do you ever have those moments, where you revert back to Middle School?  You know, those moments... where even if you tried REALLY, really hard... you couldn't be less cool? 

In the seventh grade, I had a crush on this boy; his name was Brian.  (Interesting side note: over the course of six years in Middle School and High School, I probably had a crush on half a dozen different boys named Brian. It was my thing.)

Brian was dreamy in that scrawny, clean-cut, seventh-grade-jock-boy, kind of way.  Now rest assured, it was a rare day when someone would have used the word "dreamy" to describe me.  Instead, I was relatively invisible and a bit awkward in that "I know I'm too old to play with Cabbage Patch dolls, but I'd still really like one for Christmas" kind of way.  So when I felt a bit of "cool" coming on... I tried to go with it.  And by cool, I mean, I snuck makeup and a can of hairspray into the girls bathroom and went nutty.

One dreary day (and really, what day isn't dreary when you're in Middle School), I was riding high on my Aqua Net fumes as I descended the stairs to hell... I mean shop class... and encountered Brian coming up the SAME SET OF STAIRS.  I mean, it was like, fate.  And to this day, I can't tell you how I mustered the courage... but throwing caution into the wind... with much abandon and flair, I boldly said (out loud and everything), "Hey."

And then proceeded to fall down the stairs.  Hitting each one with a memorable bounce and an internal proclamation, to NEVER. RETURN. TO. SCHOOL. AGAIN.  Thank the Good Lord, my hair was there to cushion my fall.

Anyway... I had one of those moments the other day... only "Brian" was replaced with two strapping European men, a whole store full of women shopping a purse sale (so they sort of get a "pass" on this one), numerous clerks, and an ENTIRE movie theater full of people... nay, ADULTS... that could have told me that after shopping the clearance racks and trying on clothes at Macy's... I had put my shirt back on... very obviously... inside-out.

Seriously?  No one could mention it in passing?  Whisper a little something in my ear? Gesture wildly at their own non-existent tags?  Laugh, point, make a spectacle?  Anything!?

The worst though, was the guy who sold me my movie ticket that night... the same guy who wore a name tag which proudly read, "My favorite movie is Star Wars," and has probably seen the inside of Comic Con, one too many times... he had the audacity to give me Sad Face while he asked, "All alone tonight?  Just the one ticket?"  At the time, I thought..."Man, sucks to be single in the world."  But about half way through the movie, when I reached back and felt the oversized tags of my shirt, flappin' in the wind... I realize Comic Con Man was probably thinking, "Poor thing.  Never had a chance."

Well, that's how I feel about this Pumpkin Fudge.  Poor thing... never had a chance.

What you'll need:

2 3/4 Cups sugar
3/4 Cup melted salted butter
2/3 Cup evaporated milk
½ Cup pumpkin puree
2 Tablespoons light corn syrup
1 Teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
One (12 oz.) package white chocolate chips
One (7 oz.) jar marshmallow creme
1 Cup chopped walnuts, toasted (optional)
1 Teaspoon vanilla extract

Line a 9-inch square pan with aluminum foil. Spray with nonstick spray. 

Stir together first 6 ingredients in a saucepan over medium-high heat, cooking and stirring constantly, until a candy thermometer registers 234° (soft ball stage) or for about 12 minutes.  This is pretty important: I have somehow misplaced the candy thermometer I bought a few years ago... so it didn't set up quite right, as evident by the photo below.  But if you don't mind eating your fudge with a spoon...

Once the mixture reaches 234°, remove from heat and quickly stir in the white chocolate, marshmallow creme (my love affair with marshmallow cream, has no end), nuts and vanilla until well blended.

Pour into the prepared pan. Let stand 2 hours or until completely cool; cut fudge into squares.  Or simply pull up to the pan with your spoon. 

It's makes an odd first impression... sweet.  I mean sweet, in a way that turns your clothes inside out and makes your insides feel awkward.  But apparently, that's how I roll...

That's a Pumpkin (W)Rap: 99 Posts for All You Folks

Why... I hadn't even noticed.  But this post, is my 99th post. 

That's 99 (plus or minus) references to pumpkin.  Approximately 99 cups of pumpkin puree.  At least 99 hours that I've sat hunched over my computer, instead of the television (hey... we take the small victories... we can't all be gym goers).  And 99 times that I laughed... hoping at least 99 times, that I was able to make someone else laugh.  That's 99 times that I wondered what on earth I could possibly make, that might include a cup of pumpkin.  And 99 times that I wondered how long I could keep it up and still claim that I loved the orange stuff!

Well...

Surely, I can't go into my 100th post, with the same ol' schtick.  Besides, I think I'm dreaming a new... old... dream. 

And it's doubtful that it will include much pumpkin.

But I promise it will include much gnashing of teeth, hang wringing, and pearl clutching.  Does that help? Self inflicted poverty, huge risks, and a total vocational life change?  How about I promise that it will include LO-HA-HA-TS (I mean LOTS) of sugar?  Surely that helps!  (Again.  We can't all be gym goers.  I mean, think of the doctors... who would pay their salaries?)

So as I consider which way my life ought to turn... I'll pull up a few of my favorite pumpkin posts...

* I loved the Pumpkin Bread Pudding and it just really smacked of Fall.  You know, if you're in to that sort of thing...

* I could eat a Pumpkin Waffle everyday of my life, and be pretty happy about it. (If I've said it once, I'll say it 99 more times... having a gym membership, makes you cool?  Using it, does not.)

* The Pumpkin Toaster Strudels?  Why yes.  I will have another. And maybe just one for the road.

* And I really loved the Pumpkin Tiramisu.

* A fan favorite (Hi Dad!) was the Pumpkin Butter. GREAT on fresh biscuits, poured on ice cream, used with your waffles and pancakes... or you could do the conventional thing... and make toast.  Whatever.

* And if you're tired of the sugar crashes that come with knowing me...try the Pumpkin Focaccia Bread.  This was probably the most original recipe in the bunch and if I do say so myself, one of the best.

But quite possibly, my shining moment... that time when I really stood up and taught you all a little something about myself and the art of the pumpkin puree... was the Pumpkin Puree Rap.  I know.  It brings a tear to my eye as well.... I'll wait while you get a tissue.  Of course, I am still waiting for JayZ to give me some credit on that one... look for it on his album coming out this Fall... him and Beyonce do a duet, that is just to die for.

And really... I'm grateful for the Pumpkin Patch in Scottsdale, Arizona (back in 2003)... that started it all.  And a sweet, curious, puppy-Wyatt to warm any cold hearts out there. 

Here's to 99 more moments of curiosity, 99 opportunities filled with hope, and 99 new dreams...

Ear Full Of Pumpkin: A Puree Recap Rap

Here's a recap rap

For the fans with orange tans

In the south burbs of Kans-

Aaaaaa-city
Where the dogs are pretty

And the boys are fine

Where pumpkins are sorted

On a table, in a line

I've got my ice cream scoop

Come on, join the the loop

Cause it's time to gather

Around the oven l[a]ver

Set that sucker to three hundred fifty

Take off the stems, cause yeah, yo nifty

Cut 'em in half and scoop out the middle

The way it feels'll make you giggle

Be real, be hip

Find a sheet with a lip

And grab a cup or two of water

Say bye to your daughter
Give your partner a holler
Cause by the time you're done
This won't be fun,
I can guarantee ya

In the pan you will put
About a cup per cubic foot
Line the pumpkins up
Face down.  (pause) Yup.

Throw them in the oven
Get yourself some lovin'
Call your cousin
Eat a cookie,
How about a half a dozen

Check on the pumpkins half way through
You've got problems, if they're blue
They oughta be deep orange in hue
And when they are, that's your cue

This process seems long
But it beats singing a song
Or even writing this rap
As a matter of fact

After 45 minutes to an hour
Muster within, your girly power
Pull the pan out with both hands
Wonder again, how you feel about Iran's

1930's name change from Persia,
Did it lack courage-ya?
Anyway, I digress
Let's get back to this pumpkin game of chess.

Using your will and a set of tongs
Flip each pumpkin over where it belongs
They'll be steamy and dreamy
and look just right,
But I assure you, they're so hot that they bite.

Let them sit on the counter to cool
while you start the next batch, like a big ol' fool.
The clock will keep ticking
But you did the picking

So with a smile and a knife
Remember fondly, your old life
And get back to work
As your husband smirks

When your pumpkins have cooled just a bit
Take each one and give it a lift
Squeeze out the goodness into a bowl
Yeah, that's right!  Now you're on a roll!

Compost, recycle and throw away
Cause now it's time to play

Using a hand beater and a little fear

Beat that pumpkin, 'TILL IT'S IN YO EAR!

Now, if this rap is making you queasy

Just click here.

There.  That was easy.

I apologize for this mess

But with a title like that

Hi.  You had to have guessed.

Day 28: Pumpkin in the Face

OMG. LOL.

(Thought about writing the whole post in those absurdly annoying text-isms... but the above, is the extent of my knowledge. It just goes to show, I'm not 16. Try as I might to cover this slight patch of grey hair on my temple, or reduce the appearance of those pesky fine lines, I am unable to hide my age... or wisdom. Yeah. Wisdom. We'll go with that.)

So, I'm running low on punkin' recipes that appeal to me. One of three things happen now, when I look at a recipe:

1. It sounds too hard. These days, if it has more than five ingredients or three lines of instructions, I'm hard pressed to follow through. That's because... I'm hard pressed.

2. It includes the ingredients ginger, cinnamon, or cloves. In November, these spices were welcoming the promise of winter nights, roaring fires, and new knit gloves. In April, the novelty of of those scents (and the winters nights) has worn off. And I'm now, anti-ginger. (I'm sorry... I feel bad. I really do. In real life, I'm a pretty inclusive gal.)

3. I actually gain weight, when I look at the recipe.

So, I decided to do something totally different and make a pumpkin face mask!!!

This is me... (you may want to ask the children to leave the room; it's scary and might induce nightmares.)

Here's what you'll need, so that you too, can have a goofy grin on your face:

2 Teaspoons of pumpkin puree 1/2 Teaspoon honey 1/4 Teaspoon milk

Blend all these ingredients together and apply to your face in a circular motion. Allow mask to dry on your face for 10-15 minutes. Rinse with warm water, pat your face dry, and follow up with your favorite moisturizer.

I found this "recipe" at sustainlane.com... a nifty little site full of sustainability hints and suggestions.

So, as it turns out, I don't really enjoy having food on my face... especially drippy, sort of sticky, slimy food. I generally leave that to my husband, who seemingly, can not eat a meal without saving some for later, in his goatee. And I'd like to be able to tell you that I have found the skin of my youth... but that'd be a lie. And apparently, folks frown on that sort of thing. So I'd give this a solid B... if you've got a day off, and wanna make a mess... this is the recipe for you! Maybe you'll feel like you're 16 again and invite me over for a slumber party. I'll bring my acid-wash jeans, Reebok high-tops, and Aqua-net hairspray...and we can go hang out at the mall for like, ever.

Take your "LOMA" and your "LEMENO" and shove it. We knew how to party.

Sugar Free Madness

I’ve done it. I’m sugar free.

Please ignore the insane sweating, grumpiness, and ever-so-subtle hand tremor. It’s like I’m kickin’ crack, over here. Not that I’ve ever had to kick crack. Really. Mom… you can breath again.

But I do have a serious addiction to sugar. My roommate from seminary used to threaten to buy me a sugar-lick for my Birthday. Don’t judge her; she couldn’t help it. She’s from Illinois. The only reference points she had in life, were corn and deer. (Yes, that’s deer. Not beer. Though, she probably knows a good lot about that too.) Anyway… that was ten years ago.

Today, I haven’t moved much beyond gummy bears. And jelly beans. And skittles. Oh, and smarties. Can’t forget how much I love Smarties. *sigh*

Chocolate is nice, but cake is better. Cake with frosting. Buttercream or creamcheese – it absolutely, doesn't matter.

And I always need ice cream. NEED. LIKE ALL CAPS, KIND OF NEED.

I can admit it now... things had really gotten out of hand.

My name is Trish, and I have a problem.

So “for Lent,” I gave up processed sugar. Which is hard. It’s the kind of hard, that makes a girl wanna curl up in the fetal position and sleep for days. Or cry. Or chew my nails. I don’t chew my nails, by the way. Too many germs. But I’m tempted… and that’s how hard it is. Or was. It's not so bad now.

Now I’ve only got three more days to go on my sugar-free journey (cause heaven forbid, I should continue on this Lent-induced health kick) and a small bowl of pumpkin puree left.













This small bowl of puree, is being saved. Saved for the most beautiful cake in the world, which I plan to make, for Easter Sunday (when the sugar free madness comes to an end).

So hang tight Pumpkin Lovers. And may this final week of Lent, be Holy and Blessed.

Day 26 and Day 27: Pumpkin Cornbread and Pumpkin Chili

I think I love you.

(Channeling the Partridge Family...)

This morning,
I woke up with this feeling,
I didn't know how to deal with....

So, I made Pumpkin Cornbread with Pumpkin Chili. Comfort food. Love that feeling of warmth and fullness, food. I heart food. Probably not the healthiest sentiment. Oh well. Happy valentiney food.

Here's what you'll need for the Cornbread (via therecipegirl.blogspot.com):

1/2 Cup ap flour
1/2 Cup whole wheat flour
1 Tablespoon baking powder
1/2 Teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 Teaspoon nutmeg
1 Cup cornmeal
2 Eggs
1 Cup pumpkin puree
2/3 Cup brown sugar
1/4 Cup veggie oil
1 Tablespoon molasses

Preheat your oven to 400* and butter a 9 inch pan. Sift together the flours, baking powder, cornmeal, and spices. In another bowl, whisk together the eggs, sugar, oil and molasses. Make a well in your dry ingredients and pour the wet ones, into the well. Mix lightly (like Jiffy, don't overmix) and transfer to your greased pan. Cook for about 30 minutes. Serve warm and with a bit of honey butter.

And here's what you'll need for the Chili:

1 Pound ground turkey
1 Small onion, chopped
1 Clove garlic, minced
2 Cans diced tomatoes
1 Can kidney or black beans
1 Cup pumpkin puree
1 Tablespoon chili powder, or to taste
1 Teaspoon cumin, or to taste
1 or 2 Chipotle peppers
Black Pepper

Cook the ground turkey, onion, and garlic together to brown the meat. If you used the turkey, there shouldn't be much fat to skim off, but if there is, go ahead and drain the meat/onion mixture. Return the pan to the heat and add your 'maters, beans, spices, and puree. Mix well and let simmer on low for about 20-30 minutes. Serve with sour cream and cheese. Wintery, comforty food at it's best.

And now, let's all sing along... I think I love you!

(You KNOW you know the words. Come on!)

Heeeeeeeeey, I think I love you...
So what am I so afraid of...

If you're terrified of singing (like I am) maybe it'll help to have David as you're back up...

Well, at the end of the day, the cornbread gets a C+ from Brett and a C- from me (I am a serious Jiffy fan)... but the chili made up for it! I think I love it... *unabashed head bopping*

Day 25: Pumpkin Fondue

So the Super Bowl came and went. Yeah Saints. Good for you. (Oh, the enthusiasm.)

To be fair, I think watching a bunch of men wearing tights while hitting each other and making a few million dollars a day to PLAY A GAME... isn't really up my alley. Maybe I'm bitter. Maybe if I was making a million dollars a day, I too, would be inclined to wear tights in public. Heck, I might even slap a few of my clergy-friends on the hiney for good measure. Good sermon, Don. *slap* Splendid baptism, Susan. *slap* Bangin' choir anthem this mornin', Bill! *slap* I don't know... maybe it loses something, off the field?

But what I DO enjoy? THE OLYMPICS!!!! Winter, summer... doesn't much matter. The Olympics are about everyday folks (and yes, "highly over-paid, sponsored out the wazoo" American and European athletes included) loving the idea of their sport SO much that they want to share it with the world. THIS I love.

I really admire (and might just have a teeny tiny crush on) the likes of snowboarder Shaun White, who, during the XGames, hit his head on the edge of the platform so hard, that it knocked his helmet off! The redheaded phenom, was up and running the halfpipe three hours later and went on to claim the Gold Medal.

Once, I hit my hand super hard on a door knob as I was running up the stairs. (Yeah, you read that right. I was going up the stairs. Not my finest moment.) I'm pretty sure I broke my pinkie. I was out for three weeks while that thing healed. To this day, it still aches when it's cold or rainy. Maybe... just maybe... the Olympics aren't for me.

I digress. To make a long story short... every two years, Brett and I celebrate the start of the Olympic games by throwing a fondue party (the lighting of the Olympic flame, serving as our inspiration). I figured this year I'd throw together some pumpkin fondue, and see how it went over...




















What you'll need:
2 Cups guryere cheese
2 Cups emmetal cheese
1 Cup chicken broth
1/2-3/4 Cup heavy cream
3/4 Cup pumpkin puree
1/4 Teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 Teaspoon pepper

Bring the chicken broth, cream, and spices to a boil, then reduce to simmer. Add your cheese, a bit at a time, and whisk until smooth.

It was good, but a little bland for my taste. If I had to do it over again, I'd probably add more nutmeg, a bit of salt, and a 1/2 cup white wine.

Overall, I think folks would give this a B-. It's didn't exactly get gobbled up. Oh well. It was an experiment.

Now, you'll have to excuse me. The United States Curling Team needs me... which means I'll be icing down my pinkie for the next couple of hours.

Enjoy the Olympics!

Day 23: Pumpkin Pup Treats

I'm a sucker for my dogs.

I'm not a dog-in-the-purse sort of dog girl (though if you were to meet me, I so closely resemble Paris Hilton, you'd be confused... I trust, much like Paris Hilton is, most of the time)... but I am a go-ahead-and-run-amuck-in-my-house-cause-I-love-you-so-much kind of dog girl. And so these dogs, do just that.

Meet Wyatt and Abby.














Wyatt -- that one on the right -- LOVES produce. Carrots, broccoli (oh how that boy loves broccoli... oddly enough though, not a huge fan of the Bush family?), bananas, apples, celery, and PUMPKIN. Many weeks ago, when I was cooking and gutting thousands of pumpkins... he was my trusty sidekick. Pacing by the oven as batch after batch after batch was cooked perfectly in it's water bath, sitting on my feet as I scraped away (*starry eyes*), licking up spills before they even hit the floor...

This is the life of a dog. Taxing.

So, given their lot in life, I decided to make some dog treats for the kid-o's... and they are eaaaaasy peeeeeasy!

What you'll need:

2 1/2 Cups whole wheat flour (some dogs have allergies to wheat products; consider this a disclaimer)
1/4 Cup Corn meal
2 Eggs
1 Cup pumpkin puree
2 Tablespoons peanut butter (doesn't need to be exact)
1/4 Teaspoon salt (leave this out if you're using a peanut butter that's high in salt, which most pre-packaged jars, are)
1/2 Teaspoon ground cinnamon

Pre heat your oven to 350* and lightly flour your counter (for easy rolling purposes later). Throw all the ingredients into your mixer and let it do all the work. When it has the consistency of pie crust dough, roll it out on your counter top to 1/2 inch thickness. Cut into desired shapes and bake for about 30-40 minutes depending on the size and thickness or until they've hardened on the edges.













Wyatt's eye-view.













Abby's eye-view!

It appears Abby and Wyatt would give these an A+! To be fair though, my girl dog also eats (what we call) poopcicles* with winter-regularity, and the boy dog has his morning hankering for (used) kleenex. Please keep this in mind, when trying to understand the result of my very scientific and complicated, grading system.

Regardless, hug a dogs neck today... it's proven to reduce blood pressure. You'll feel better for it!

* I don't know why some people think dogs are gross? Weird.

Take That, Libby's.

The Wall Street Journal and just about every other news outlet, has reported a version of the article found below. I find it almost humorous that my freezer "overfloweth" when there is apparently a shortage among the great pumpkin giant, lovingly known as Libby's (via Nestle foods). Note that places like Whole Foods, HyVee, Trader Joes, and other smaller brands of regular and organic pumpkin puree are still available. So, take that, great pumpkin growing, conglomerate farming, corporate meanies. Or something else, a little less insensitive...

Here's the story as written in the Wall Street Journal:

By Kelly Evans

It’s every baker’s worst holiday fear: you head to the grocery store (last-minute, despite your best efforts) for ingredients to whip up your famous pumpkin pie — but there is no pumpkin left on the shelves.

That nightmare is now becoming a reality for shoppers across the country — and for companies like Nestle, which owns the Libby’s brand of pumpkin pie and announced this week that heavy rain has hurt its pumpkin farms in Morton, Ill., to the point that it will not pack any more pumpkins this year.

“Our calculations indicate that we may deplete our inventory of canned Libby’s pumpkin as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday,” said Paul Bakus, vice president and general manager of Nestle Baking, in a press release.

According to a story in the Los Angeles Times, Nestle controls 85% of the pumpkin crop for canning. Grocery stores believe they will have enough pumpkin on their shelves through Thanksgiving, but caution supplies could run out before the rest of the holiday season — particularly if shoppers begin hoarding the canned fruit.

The New York Times notes it could be a boon for the organic pumpkin industry, which makes up only 3-4% of the total market but had a good crop this year in places like Oregon and could help fill the gap. (Some of their commenters, by the way, suspect the whole shortage is a marketing ploy.)

“We had the wettest October in history and that made for a bad harvest season,” John Hawkins, spokesman for the Illinois Farm Bureau, told Newsday.

According to the Census Bureau, Illinois led the country in pumpkin production last year, producing 496 million pounds of the orange gourd, followed by California, Pennsylvania and New York. The value of all pumpkins produced by major pumpkin-producing states in 2008 was $141 million, Census reports.

There are a couple alternatives for those who can’t get their hands on pumpkin this year: they can make their own, get their pumpkin fix in beer form, or try their hand at sweet potato or pecan pie instead. As the Consumerist blog notes “If you can’t get any canned pumpkin, you can also go to your farmer’s market and buy some butternut squash. Roast it in the oven and use just like the good ol’ canned stuff.”

According to the Labor Department, the cost of other ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner — such as turkey — are lower this year than last, which perhaps leaves some room in the budget for experimentation.
*******************
On another note, the pumpkin I once couldn't GIVE away... is now in high demand. How much SHOULD I charge per cup? ;)

What Does It Take To Puree A Pumpkin?

If you've never pureed a pumpkin, let me be the first to say... the "can" is a lot easier. And I hate to admit it, but it pretty much tastes the same too.

But now honestly, do you feel as accomplished? As connected to your forefathers and foremothers? As "salted to the earth?" As domestic? When you simply lift the lever on your automatic can opener and wait 30 seconds for the tell-tale click of readiness? No. I don't think so.

So pull your sleeves up... and let's get started.

First, pick out pumpkins that are small. The most recommended pumpkins, are called Sugar Pumpkins or Pie Pumpkins. Pick ones that are deep orange with few blemishes and no soft spots. Remove the stems and slice them in half. Clean out the guts with an ice cream scoop or a metal tablespoon:

They should look a lot like this:

Line them up on a cookie sheet with a lip, and add one or two cups of water. Just pour it right on top of the pumpkin halves. Stick them in an oven that's set at 350* like so:













These guys will cook for about 55 minutes, and when you take them out, they'll be floppy and soft, and look a little something like this:

Scrape all the goodness out of the middle and throw it all into a very large bowl. You'll need all that extra room to control the splatters. And yes, I use the word "control," loosely. Make sure you don't get any of the rind... and if you find some of the pumpkin to be tough, just pull it out.













Using a hand mixer, puree until smooth... you shouldn't be able to see the fibers anymore. I hand mixed for about 3-5 minutes depending what type of pumpkin was being pureed.

You can freeze pureed pumpkin for up to six months! And if you're wondering what 80 some-odd pumpkins looks like after its been whipped into submission and stored away like last years fashions? Well, it looks a lot like 50 some-odd cups of orange goo, crammed into every plastic container I own:

Ear Full of Pumpkin and Other Unmentionables

My husband and I serve churches, who have a pumpkin patch each year to raise money for mission and outreach ministries. We go through a company called Pumpkins USA and it works like this -- they send you a variety of pumpkins with no upfront cost, you sell as many pumpkins as you can, you get to keep a percentage of the profits, and on October 31st you have to figure out what to do with the leftover pumpkins.

This year, we decided to live by the ol' adage: Waste not, want not. I will tell you, by the end of all this, "want not" may be a very apt sentiment.

So between the two of us, we brought home three bags -- hefty, stretchy garbage bags -- of Sugar and Baby Pumpkins. And for the past week, my husband has been de-stemming them and cutting them in half... and I have been gutting them, roasting them, separating them from their skins, and pureeing the living daylights out of them.

If you've ever pureed a pumpkin, you know it can be sort of a mess. The stuff is slippery and slimmy and tends to spatter. Now times that by 80, and you know what my kitchen looked like. I've got pumpkin in places I shouldn't mention in a public forum. And yes, that includes my ear. And I spent a good chunk of time last night with my Magic Eraser trying to remove the hardened fibers from my countertops -- my husband was a bit jealous!

Now my freezer is full of pureed pumpkin... LOTS of pureed pumpkin. How much, you ask? Try a smudge over 53 cups! That's like 25 cans of Libby's!! I've tried to pan it off on church folks, and received very few takers. So... I've decided: I WILL POWER THROUGH.

For the next thirty days, I will make one recipe a day, which will include pumpkin puree. Some of them I'll glean from the Internet and my cookbook collections... others I'll wing! We'll see how this turns out...