Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Ear Full Of Pumpkin: A Puree Recap Rap

Here's a recap rap
For the fans with orange tans
In the south burbs of Kans-

Where the dogs are pretty
And the boys are fine
Where pumpkins are sorted
On a table, in a line

I've got my ice cream scoop
Come on, join the the loop
Cause it's time to gather
Around the oven l[a]ver

Set that sucker to three hundred fifty
Take off the stems, cause yeah, yo nifty
Cut 'em in half and scoop out the middle
The way it feels'll make you giggle

Be real, be hip
Find a sheet with a lip
And grab a cup or two of water

Say bye to your daughter
Give your partner a holler
Cause by the time you're done
This won't be fun,
I can guarantee ya

In the pan you will put
About a cup per cubic foot
Line the pumpkins up
Face down.  (pause) Yup.

Throw them in the oven
Get yourself some lovin'
Call your cousin
Eat a cookie,
How about a half a dozen

Check on the pumpkins half way through
You've got problems, if they're blue
They oughta be deep orange in hue
And when they are, that's your cue

This process seems long
But it beats singing a song
Or even writing this rap
As a matter of fact

After 45 minutes to an hour
Muster within, your girly power
Pull the pan out with both hands
Wonder again, how you feel about Iran's

1930's name change from Persia,
Did it lack courage-ya?
Anyway, I digress
Let's get back to this pumpkin game of chess.

Using your will and a set of tongs
Flip each pumpkin over where it belongs
They'll be steamy and dreamy
and look just right,
But I assure you, they're so hot that they bite.

Let them sit on the counter to cool
while you start the next batch, like a big ol' fool.
The clock will keep ticking
But you did the picking

So with a smile and a knife
Remember fondly, your old life
And get back to work
As your husband smirks

When your pumpkins have cooled just a bit
Take each one and give it a lift
Squeeze out the goodness into a bowl
Yeah, that's right!  Now you're on a roll!

Compost, recycle and throw away
Cause now it's time to play
Using a hand beater and a little fear
Beat that pumpkin, 'TILL IT'S IN YO EAR!

Now, if this rap is making you queasy
Just click here.
There.  That was easy.

I apologize for this mess
But with a title like that
Hi.  You had to have guessed.


  1. I believe Ice T did a similar rap several years ago about cooking butternut squash. And who can forget (RIP) TuPac's rappin 'bout how everybody wants seconds of his sweet potatoes on Thanksgiving? "... toast da marshmallows till they brown on top... get a spoon and on yo plate they plop..." Remember?... They just don't write them like that anymore. But I must admit, you have come close. I'm so proud of my little girl!

  2. I have to say that hurt a bit. And that's a whole lot of pumpkins...

  3. Will the real pumpkin shady please stand up, please stand up!

    Wow...that's the Longest pumkim rap I ever heard!

  4. Want some more? We (that's the royal we) did 50 containers. Freezer's full and about 1 batch left....