We're all adults here, right? I mean, if I whispered the acronym "OBGYN" in your ear, you wouldn't giggle and turn red in the face? You wouldn't snort coffee out of your nose and politely excuse yourself to "teh-hee" in private?
Well, if you can handle it, carry on. But seriously, if you absolutely can't read through those five letters without snickering... and trust me, I'd understand...you'll want to kindly turn to the next blog.
Because today, I had my wellness exam with my... well, you know.
Mind you, the last time I had the lovely experience of visiting my friendly acronym, it was 2007. So, I was a little overdue. And since I only shave my legs every five years or so, it seemed to coincide perfectly. (I think I've mentioned it before... but it bears repeating. Brett is a lucky, lucky dude.)
Which is where we run into troubles. Shaving my legs.
Apparently, I pulled out a razor that had been sitting in my drawer since 1983 and decided it was the best possible tool to tackle the job at hand.
Running low on body wash - aka. shaving cream for the lazy sorts - I decided to use my face wash. I know... that doesn't seem quite right... but when you buy your face wash from Sam's Club, and literally have a GALLON of it sitting under your sink... you feel as if you can use it freely and unabashedly.
I was all lathered up and getting ready to start the taming process...when my leg started to tingle a bit.
Ignore it, Trish. That just means "it's working." Huh? What? Yeah. Both "huh?" AND "what?" would have been good questions to ask at the time. Carry on...
The next series of events, went something like this: Leg one done.... peek out of the shower... see I have exactly 15 minutes to finish, get dressed and head out the door... frantically get second leg done... hop out of shower... admonish self for hopping... realize I have nothing more than a washcloth to dry off with... make note to curse husband and his towel stealing ways... grab for the bottt............................... YEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
So. You know the tracks that Tonka Trucks make in a sand box? Well, that's pretty much what the inside of my thighs look like... and the backs of my legs... and my bikini line.... and my underarms......
As it turns out, my face wash was 18% Salicylic Acid. Yep. Did. Not. Know. That. Coupled with a somewhat suspect razor, time constraints, and shall we say, tender skin.... well. It just didn't end well. Any attempt to impress by new doctor with my stunning good looks and impeccable grooming techniques... failed miserably.
And if you thought I couldn't make the tie between my OBGYN visit and fro-yo.... you were mistaken. Well, that.... and there's a chance that you don't know me at all.
Because we all need something soothing at the end of the day.... here's Pumpkin Frozen Yogurt. Which tastes like Pumpkin Cheesecake. Which can't be a bad thing when you decide to get gussied up for your OBGYN and end up instead, lighting the lower half of your body on fire. And which I hope you enjoy.
What you'll need for Pumpkin Frozen Yogurt:
4 Cups homemade yogurt
1 Cup pumpkin puree
1/3 Cup plus one teaspoon maple syrup
1/3 Cup plus one tablespoon brown sugar
1/2 Teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 Teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 Teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 Cup toasted pecans (I go heavy on the nuts. No comments, please.)
In case you wonder how to toast a pecan... heat the oven to 350 degrees. Spread chopped pecans over a foil lined baking sheet. Bake pecans for 3 minutes. Give 'em a stir. Bake for an additional 3 to 5 minutes, or until the pecans begin to give off a sweet scent. Really watch them though...they tend get excited and burn themselves. Allow to cool.
In a large mixing bowl, combine all the ingredients (minus the pecans) and mix well. Use a whisk to break up the lumps in the mixture that come because of the homemade texture of the yogurt. Pour the soupy mixture into a prepared ice cream maker and give it a whirl for 30-40 minutes. At the conclusion of the cycle, thrown in the toasted pecans and let it go for another spin or two. Freeze for at least 3-4 hours prior to serving.